I Begin Here

My Path To Self Discovery

Month: June 2017

I’m Not Comfortable With My Post Baby Body!

I’m not comfortable with my post baby body and that’s really sad. My body has achieved such an incredible task, twice. My body has been through a lot over last 5 years. It has been through emergency surgery to remove my right fallopian tube and stop internal bleeding. It has been through a miscarriage, it has been through an emergency C-Section to deliver my son and it has been through a VBAC to bring my daughter into the world.

It’s Amazing…

My Body is amazing for what it has been through and I do believe what doesn’t kill makes you stronger. But I hate how it looks, I know that is really shallow but I do I hate it.

I Want To Love My Body But I Can’t…

I really do want to love my body but I can’t, I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t see a body that I love or even like. What really upset’s me is that I now have a daughter, a daughter that I don’t want to grow up hating her body or to have any hang ups. But I can I teach her to love herself and her body if I can’t love mine?

I’m Doing It For Myself, My Husband And My Kids…

I’m forever reading that if you’re going to get fit and healthy then you shouldn’t do it for anyone else but yourself. Well not me I’m doing it for myself, my husband and my kids. Because I want to be around for a long time. My body is over weight by about 4 stone. So I want to get fit and healthy and hopefully, in the process learn to love my body. The area I hate the most is my midsection, my mummy tummy, my jelly belly. I don’t know who came up with these names but they have a lot to answer for.

I’m Taking It One Step At A Time…

I’m taking the whole process one step at a time, I’m making changes, Slow steady changes that I can build into my everyday life. My Diet is much better than it has been. Yes, I still slip up but I’m human and life is way to short to eat like a rabbit all day every day. Plus I love food way too much.

As for exercise, I’m getting back into it again slowly. With my Son’s 3rd birthday at the beginning of June and a weekend away after that to Cardiff. I fell out of the habit. But yesterday I did a kettlebell workout, the first in about 4 weeks.

Coming Soon…

To help keep me motivated and on the get fit and healthy waggon I am going to start a little series documenting my progress. So please make sure you sign up so that you don’t miss a post.

This is me on my honeymoon in Turkey September 2011. Here I weighed around 10 Stone

This is me Pregnant with Rae, I was about 36 weeks pregnant. Exactly one month before Rae was born

This is me 4 weeks ago and yesterday. I was expecting it to be worse with birthday food and no exercise, but you can see my tummy has pulled in a bit.

 

So with that, all I will say is subscribe and watch this space.

Sam

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Growing Out My Pixie Haircut  

In my 30 something years, I have had many different hairstyles. I have had a pixie of some sort maybe 4-5 times now. I’ve had multiple types of bobs and had long hair of varying lengths.

My Hair Was My Thing…

When I was younger my hair was my thing. Good hair was a must. It had to be cut good and it had to be straightened. Since having my son I’ve not had hair longer that just above my shoulders. So it is time to grow my hair LONG!

The Many Styles I Have Had Over The Years…

Throughout my adult year’s I have had a wide range of hairstyles over the years.

I thought I would share some of those with you, and I have to say some of the selfies are a little cringe worthy…

  

These are just some of the hairstyles and colours I have had over the years.

So What Now…

Now I begin growing out my pixie haircut. This will be a long slow process which it always is. You have to grow it out in stages.

Firstly you have to start growing the top layer while maintaining the length around the back of your neck and ears to allow the top to catch up. I normally keep these areas trimmed myself using either scissors or clippers.

Hair Products…

Wherever you look online there are posts that tell you to avoid using heat on your hair and tell you not to overload your hair with products. This is true. Heat damages your hair and can cause breakages, which you don’t want when trying to grow your hair out. I don’t use a hair dryer or hair straighteners at the moment. I haven’t coloured my hair in months.

My hair does need help with the form of hair products but I only tend to use a bit of hair wax and gel. I do also put a coconut oil on my hair to help condition my hair I only use a small amount and I use it every day.

Updates…

I will be posting Monthly updates so that you can see the growth each month. Anything more frequent than that and the growth won’t be as noticeable. So if you are interested in seeing the growth each month please do subscribe so you don’t miss out on the updates.

Sam

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I Lost The Old Me Somewhere Along The Way!

I’m a very different person to the young woman, the old me I was 8years ago. My husband and I have known each other since we were 11 but we didn’t start dating till 2009. We had been friends and our relationship had developed from there.

Fun Loving…

One of the things my husband loved about me back then was that I was so fun loving, up for a laugh and enjoyed taking the mickey as much as he did. He used to say I was the female version of him. Over the years I have slowly lost myself. No, this is not because of my husband but more because of events that have happened in the last 8 years. In the space of a couple of years, I had an ectopic pregnancy which resulted in it rupturing, and losing my right tube and receiving a blood transfusion. This was followed by a miscarriage.

Finally…

After the miscarriage, I finally got pregnant with my son. However, the two previous pregnancy losses had had a profound effect on me. I took them quite badly and blamed myself a lot for the losses. At the time I could talk about them to a certain degree but now I find that time in my life quite painful and difficult to talk about. My pregnancies with my son and daughter were filled with anxiety and worry for the first 12 weeks. But this quickly changed. With the exception of my pregnancy with Rae which had complications for a while.

A Natural Worrier…

I’ve always been a natural worrier but it has been worse lately as has my anxiety. It’s something that I struggle with on a regular basis. I find it crops up at time’s when I use to be confident and out-going. But lately, I’m more stressed out and anxious. Some days I feel like I’m a shell of the old me.

Self-Body Image…

I’ve never been a regular fitness junkie or conscious healthy eater but I never had a bad figure. I was a healthy size 10-12, I loved wearing makeup, I wore it every day whether I was going out or not. My hair was my thing, it had to be perfect. But as I have got older and had Kid’s I don’t care about them as much. I think it’s from not having the same time I use to have and also not caring what everyone else thinks.

However, I also think being this way has also played part in myself not being happy with how I look. Baby weight, short hair that while is quick and easy is contributing to how I feel. These are things I want to change and am in the process of changing.

To End…

I am a work in progress and I hope I can find my way back to the old me and be happier.

 

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Let Me Introduce Myself To You!

I’d like to start this blog off by introducing myself. I’m a 30 something woman. I have a husband Matt, whom I married back in 2011. We have 2 children together and I have a step-daughter.

The Last 3 Years…

I haven’t had full-job since I had my son 3 years ago. I started to work part-time soon after he turned one. My daughter is 6 months old and has been a dream. I will soon return to work in August.

Studying…

I am currently doing an online course for a Diploma in Digital Marketing. It’s a field that I find interesting especially as we live in a world dominated by the internet and social media. The course is a learn at your own place, which is great considering I have a 3-year-old and a 6-month-old to look after.

What This Blog Is All About…

This blog is about me and my journey to self-discovery. With various things that I have been through with my health and having kids, I feel like I have lost myself along the way. I want to find myself again. I want to be the fun loving carefree woman I used to be.

Blogging isn’t new to me, for the last 2 years I had a “Mummy Blog” but for the last 6 months, I haven’t felt a connection to it. I haven’t wanted to share stories about my kids on there. I wanted to start a fresh blog where I can discover myself. Where the topics I want to write aren’t limited to being child/baby/family related. I want to address the issue’s I have with myself.

So with that, I would like to say a big thank you for taking the time to read this post. Please stick with me as I build my content up. If you enjoyed this and want to read more then, please do subscribe and follow me on here and on my Social Media pages.

I look forward to taking you along on my journey.

Sam.

 

 

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